Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Starting back up.
I haven’t blogged in about a month, mostly because I am dissatisfied with the writing format I was attempting, and also I only have two readers. So I decided to go back to the journal type of writing style (which I don’t edit). It was successful before right? So why not go back to that kind of writing?
I guess the most major thing that has happened to me since this semester has started is that my roommate moved out. And when I say moved out, I actually mean that he just stopped coming home. He put his contract up for sale after a week of staying at our older roommate’s place, and now I rarely see him. It wasn’t really much of a surprise, because Johnnie (the older roommate) has been after Remington (the one that just moved out) for months, and Johnnie has some power over Remington.
I felt it in my bones after Rem didn’t show up after three days, so I wasn’t surprised when a week later (at midnight) I get a text from him that says, “Don’t be mad, but I’m moving out. Please don’t pee in my shampoo, and I already put my contract up for sale. So if you could give the tour to anyone who shows up? We can still hang out.” The problem is that he was my only friend who lived with me and essentially my only male friend in the ward… possibly the state. I just don’t get along with men well.
So now, I attend Elders’ Quorum and sit by myself. Sometimes the Bishop feels like he should come and shake my hand, and I attempt to smile at him. But ever since his letter that he gave me about being possessed, all my smiles toward him look painful and psychotic. The Bishop really is determined to get me to go to one of his weekly “Date Dinners.” I have been invited 12 times, and every time I send back an email reading, “I can’t go. I have cholera.” The first time I sent that email, he asked me in church the next day if cholera is common in the US. Now he doesn’t even ask me if I am feeling better. He just smiles, waves, and tries to chase me through the crowd to ask me if I would meet with him later.
Apparently, the Ward Missionary Leader has been lying about me to the bishop. He has said that I have been at every meeting for the last year and that I am really helpful, and I magnify my calling. I actually haven’t been made aware of any of the meetings for my calling for the last year. Sometimes I will crash a meeting, but the rest of the ward missionaries don’t really approve of my arrival. This is because I shame the lot of them because they choose not to know certain members of the ward because they are different. I somehow know everybody in the ward, their calling, their home state, and their favorite food, so I don’t understand why the ward missionaries pick and choose who they magnify their calling upon. Especially because the people they are ignoring are the ones that they should probably be visiting.
Speaking about visiting, I now have a “Personal Priesthood Interview” every week with the Elders’ Quorum President. Every week he comes and talks to me about what I can do to receive a witness that the church is true, and the problem is that I have tried everything that he has suggested and more. I’m really just giving up on this whole religion thing, and so when I graduate in four months, we’ll have to see where I end up.
Also: Graduating is making me crazy. Mostly because I have no clue what I am going to do after I graduate. I really want to open an ice cream shop, but that isn’t a realistic goal for the moment. So maybe I want to travel, but now I have been goaded into going to grad school in a year or two. I could move back to California, but I don’t want to be anywhere near my family (I love them and all, but I need distance to be loved by them). So now I am just floating about my options. Considering the east coast, but I have no clue where to go from here. I really just want something to fall into my lap or for somebody to tell me exactly what I will be doing, because I suck at decision making and my agoraphobia kicks in whenever I think about doing things that are considered “Grown Up.” Because let’s face it: I am 19 and scared to go out and face the world.
I guess the most major thing that has happened to me since this semester has started is that my roommate moved out. And when I say moved out, I actually mean that he just stopped coming home. He put his contract up for sale after a week of staying at our older roommate’s place, and now I rarely see him. It wasn’t really much of a surprise, because Johnnie (the older roommate) has been after Remington (the one that just moved out) for months, and Johnnie has some power over Remington.
I felt it in my bones after Rem didn’t show up after three days, so I wasn’t surprised when a week later (at midnight) I get a text from him that says, “Don’t be mad, but I’m moving out. Please don’t pee in my shampoo, and I already put my contract up for sale. So if you could give the tour to anyone who shows up? We can still hang out.” The problem is that he was my only friend who lived with me and essentially my only male friend in the ward… possibly the state. I just don’t get along with men well.
So now, I attend Elders’ Quorum and sit by myself. Sometimes the Bishop feels like he should come and shake my hand, and I attempt to smile at him. But ever since his letter that he gave me about being possessed, all my smiles toward him look painful and psychotic. The Bishop really is determined to get me to go to one of his weekly “Date Dinners.” I have been invited 12 times, and every time I send back an email reading, “I can’t go. I have cholera.” The first time I sent that email, he asked me in church the next day if cholera is common in the US. Now he doesn’t even ask me if I am feeling better. He just smiles, waves, and tries to chase me through the crowd to ask me if I would meet with him later.
Apparently, the Ward Missionary Leader has been lying about me to the bishop. He has said that I have been at every meeting for the last year and that I am really helpful, and I magnify my calling. I actually haven’t been made aware of any of the meetings for my calling for the last year. Sometimes I will crash a meeting, but the rest of the ward missionaries don’t really approve of my arrival. This is because I shame the lot of them because they choose not to know certain members of the ward because they are different. I somehow know everybody in the ward, their calling, their home state, and their favorite food, so I don’t understand why the ward missionaries pick and choose who they magnify their calling upon. Especially because the people they are ignoring are the ones that they should probably be visiting.
Speaking about visiting, I now have a “Personal Priesthood Interview” every week with the Elders’ Quorum President. Every week he comes and talks to me about what I can do to receive a witness that the church is true, and the problem is that I have tried everything that he has suggested and more. I’m really just giving up on this whole religion thing, and so when I graduate in four months, we’ll have to see where I end up.
Also: Graduating is making me crazy. Mostly because I have no clue what I am going to do after I graduate. I really want to open an ice cream shop, but that isn’t a realistic goal for the moment. So maybe I want to travel, but now I have been goaded into going to grad school in a year or two. I could move back to California, but I don’t want to be anywhere near my family (I love them and all, but I need distance to be loved by them). So now I am just floating about my options. Considering the east coast, but I have no clue where to go from here. I really just want something to fall into my lap or for somebody to tell me exactly what I will be doing, because I suck at decision making and my agoraphobia kicks in whenever I think about doing things that are considered “Grown Up.” Because let’s face it: I am 19 and scared to go out and face the world.