Thursday, February 17, 2011
And then one day, I decided...
I want to open an ice cream shop. I think it would be the most marvelous thing to ever do, and for the last year, I have told everyone that I will open an ice cream shop after I work for a while. The professor I work for has pleased for me to go to graduate school, and I would tell him, “Meh… Maybe. I just want to be done with school right now.” But for months, whenever he would see me, he would ask if I have considered going to grad school.
I was just sitting in class today and I decided, “I want to go to graduate school.” How to actually go to grad school still evades me, but I just feel like I want to go all of the sudden. It’s not that I don’t want to open an ice cream shop anymore, because I still do. But now, I just feel like ice cream can be something I do on the side.
So the problem is; I graduate in four months. Usually, people apply for grad school their senior year of university. I have fiddled around my whole senior year, so that option is no longer available. Also, I have not taken the GRE (and it scares me to death), my grades are only decent, and my research is at a standstill until I can get somebody to share some resources with me (because my lab receives no funding).
I really hate my thinking processes. One day I will just be strolling along and decide that I want to do something which I have no preparation for, and it generally flows in the complete opposite direction that my life is headed. Also, I develop fears of doing things that mark adulthood. Getting my driver’s license about killed me, and I procrastinated it until my parent’s started charging me $20 each day that I didn’t have my license. Applying for University made me physically ill for a week and I procrastinated applying until realizing that I couldn’t mosey about the community college another semester (I had been able to graduate for a year already but just never did). Getting a job up here is something I really need, yet I can’t motivate myself to actually go around and apply because adults have jobs. Can I keep living like this, having to be pushed to continue further along in life?
I was just sitting in class today and I decided, “I want to go to graduate school.” How to actually go to grad school still evades me, but I just feel like I want to go all of the sudden. It’s not that I don’t want to open an ice cream shop anymore, because I still do. But now, I just feel like ice cream can be something I do on the side.
So the problem is; I graduate in four months. Usually, people apply for grad school their senior year of university. I have fiddled around my whole senior year, so that option is no longer available. Also, I have not taken the GRE (and it scares me to death), my grades are only decent, and my research is at a standstill until I can get somebody to share some resources with me (because my lab receives no funding).
I really hate my thinking processes. One day I will just be strolling along and decide that I want to do something which I have no preparation for, and it generally flows in the complete opposite direction that my life is headed. Also, I develop fears of doing things that mark adulthood. Getting my driver’s license about killed me, and I procrastinated it until my parent’s started charging me $20 each day that I didn’t have my license. Applying for University made me physically ill for a week and I procrastinated applying until realizing that I couldn’t mosey about the community college another semester (I had been able to graduate for a year already but just never did). Getting a job up here is something I really need, yet I can’t motivate myself to actually go around and apply because adults have jobs. Can I keep living like this, having to be pushed to continue further along in life?